In my last post about this subject, I discussed that we listen to the idle chatter going on in our heads that can send us negative images of how our day is going to go poorly and all the obstacles that we will run into for the day. That blog outlined 3 things to do at the beginning of your day to turn it around.
In part 2 of this blog, I will explain the necessity to:
1) Identify the language that we use to describe ourselves, our careers or relationships and how that language can hold onto negative thoughts and energies about these areas in our lives.
2) By recognizing and addressing the words we use, we can really examine how we n might be creating negative energy and images in our lives. I will give you some methods to change your thinking to have more positive impact in your life.
The law of attraction says that the object of our constant focus will appear in our lives even if it is positive or not. This is why we need to manage what happens in our thoughts.
What do you say about yourself? How would you describe yourself?
Many of us go through life without really examining who we are and who we want to be. Are those two areas the same or are we just floating through life trying not to notice where we are going and what we are creating? I did this myself for many years because I lacked the confidence to believe in myself. As time passes, our experiences lead to shifts in what we believe to be important for ourselves and our happiness. I found that it is helpful to revaluate who you are and what you want to create in your life.
How do you describe 'what you do'?
When people ask what do you do for a living, do you pause? Do you start your description with "Oh, I'm just a ........"? Are you excited to do your work or does it make you want to barf? What you say about yourself and what you do echoes how you feel about yourself and the life you are living.
1) The first thing to do is loose the word "just" from your vocabulary. I used to be very guilty of this myself. If you say things like "I'm just a stay-at-home-Mom" or "I just work at an office" - you send out a message to yourself and others that you are insignificant or invaluable - that what you do does not matter. Try changing up the way your describe 'what you do' to include things like "I am the proud Mom of 3 amazing children" or "I am a professional administrative assistant." You can try taking "just" out and start to include more powerful descriptions of how you are amazing and how you are great at what you "do". After a while of purposefully doing this, you may catch yourself smiling once you recognize the subtle shift in your own energy and how you feel good about yourself. You can start to see how there are changes in how others perceive you and treat you as well.
2) Take time figuring out how you want to express yourself in the world. What is it that you want to be in the world and how to do you want that to look & feel like? If you are clear about what you want to get out of life and how you want to live your life, then you will be more capable of taking action because your energy is directly focused on accomplishing those goals, feelings and dreams. Finding the words to describe what you want to achieve in detail and it will help you stay on a clear path recognizing what does and does not work for you. Clarity will also serve to help you make good choices for yourself.
Write it down
One way to stop negative self talk is to write down what you want your life to look like and why. Describe it in as much detail as you can. You may find it easier to accomplish something when you know what it is and how you want it to feel once you get there. If you are unclear in your own intentions and unaware of what you are saying to yourself, it will have an impact on what you receive.
How do we do this?
1) Take time to evaluate various parts of your life like your physical health, your job, your relationships. Write down how these areas of your life are now and how you would like them to be and feel.
2) Use images that evoke positive emotions. Pick & put up images that mean something to you, even of things that you may want in the future. Look at these images often, especially when you are overthinking. By doing this, you can increase your positive energy from the positive feelings you get and then transfer these feelings to your current thoughts. Stop listening and start talking!
3) Find positive sayings that mean something to you and look at them often. Other peoples' words can be really inspiring if they evoke a sense of happiness, confidence or strength. Sometimes its hard for us to put into words how we are feeling in the moment but thankfully others have shared their thoughts for us to draw on. There are a ton on Facebook or Instagram and even more positive webpages that do nothing but post these everyday. I like inspiringandpositivequotes.com
4) Mantra Cards/Affirmations. I like using Mantra cards around my home and saying the mantra I have chosen to say out loud to train my mind to think more positively. These cards are on my mirrors, fridge, doors and cupboards allow me to consistently say and think things like "Everything is always working out for me" or "I am worth the effort". These positive affirmations are visible and reaffirm on a subconscious level what you want to feel, believe and achieve.
How do you describe your relationships?
"It's complicated." "Just friends". "The love of my life!" We all need each other and relationships are a very important component of our lives. Figuring out which relationships work for both of you can be complicated and hard. You may be surprised on how much negative relationships have a toll on our energy and happiness.
How do I change my relationships in a positive way?
Take an honest look at the people that you have surrounded yourself with. Are they people who are genuinely interested in your happiness and are supportive? Are they people who consistently want things from you and give nothing in return - your time, your car, your money? Does some of your negative self-talk come from the fact that you are getting negative reinforcements of yourself from those around you?
Talk to them and set boundaries
Being friends with people does not mean that you have to put up with any bad behaviour even if you have been friends forever. I have had to let go a few friends in my life because I felt that they used me for my contacts, my car and my kindness and I just couldn't keep letting them take my time, my heart and my energy from me. The boundaries were skewed because I allowed the quantity of years to determine that the quality of the relationship didn't matter or how I felt about it because I owed them something for being in my life for so long. I found out that this was wrong. I took responsibility for allowing this to happen and changed what was acceptable, starting with how people spoke to me and who I would hang out with.
Same thing goes for family. If you find that family members do not speak to you with love and respect you can try to talk to them about it and share how you feel. You could share that you are trying to be more positive and surround yourself with people who have solutions and positive suggestions rather than only negative feedback. And of course, say this from a place of love and compassion. You will only get what you give, so say it with kindness. You can choose to speak up for yourself and let them know how their words hurt you and perhaps resolve the conflict. Or you can agree to disagree and protect yourself from their hurtful energy.
I have been in jobs where my supervisors or bosses have thrown me shade as they projected their insecurities or frustration on me. Great leaders want their employees to succeed and excel so they share their knowledge and watch you bloom, not antagonize you to the point that you have to leave.
Unfortunately, we may experience negative self-talk from our partners. This may be a good time to review how you would like to be treated and what you will accept moving forward. Sometime people are unaware that they are speaking to each other like this and projecting their own negative self image on others around them. It can be easier to be mean to those who are close to us but doesn't mean that we cannot talk about it and change.
Words have a vibrational energy.
Do Some Chakra Healing
Great place to start is with healing the 2nd Chakra known as the Sacral Chakra or Svadisthana and the 3rd Chakra - the Solar Plexus or Manipura. Your sacral Chakra is located just under your bellybutton and is tied to the sexual and adrenal glands. This is where we get our "gut feelings" from. The part of you that tells you to RUN FOR THE HILLS or everything is fine. The next area is the Solar Plexus Chakra and that is located under your breast bone. It is tied to the adrenal glans and where we store our feelings of strength, courage and confidence or weakness, fear and feelings of inadequacy.
Meditating, yoga and Reiki Energy Medicine are amazing methods to help you heal those parts of yourself that allow negative self-talk to perpetuate.
These are some of the ways that we get caught up in negative thought patterns and beliefs by listening to fear and doubt. My intention is to help you navigate to a place where you can recognize these tendencies and provide practical solutions to assist you in creating positive conversations with yourself to keep you grounded, balanced and happy. Stay tuned for more blogs on this topic in the near future.