What on Earth do I mean by that?! I am talking about the fact that we often listen to the negative chatter going on inside our heads instead of TALKING to ourselves and navigating what we decide to say and in turn, believe, about ourselves and the direction that we will take moving forward.
In this blog, I will explain the necessity to:
1) Identify times when we are listening to ourselves and questioning our own actions, motivations and abilities that our egos can create from a place of fear.
2) Methods of practicing the art of talking to yourself in cooperation with listening to yourself.
IDENTIFY NEGATIVE SELF TALK
The following areas are three areas that we often begin our negative mindsets for the day and how to change them for the positive.
Try Positive First Thoughts of the Day:
One of the most common ways to use negative self talk is first thing in the morning when you wake up. You may start your day laying in bed by listing all the things you "should" do and then prioritizing that list. At this time you may start questioning yourself by thinking things like "How am I going to have time to do that?" or "I'll never get that done in time." "Uchh, I forgot to turn the dishwasher on - great I am behind already." You may notice that your body is already tensing up and your stomach is in knots and you haven't even got out of bed yet.
Instead you may want to try the following:
1) Spend the first 10 minutes of your day being grateful for everything in your life: your nights sleep, for waking up and for all the positive events and people that you will encounter in your day.
2) Predict the events of your day in positive mindset and imagine the best outcomes. Start to tell yourself how you would like your day to go and focus on the feeling of everything working out for you. I mean really feel what it would be like if everything went your way. It might surprise you how accurate this positive perception of your day will become.
Don't Skip Self-care
"Oh shoot! I woke up late and I don't have time for this." "I'll do it later." Sound familiar? Many of us tell ourselves that we will exercise before work, that we will take time to meditate and we don't. We put off energizing ourselves to be able to handle our busy lives, like we don't matter. You wouldn't let your phone go dead but you won't eat breakfast. Then the self conversation turns to guilt and shame that you didn't exercise again!! "Why do I even bother?! I will never get back into shape. No one will love me. "
Instead, make a choice be kind to yourself and put yourself first. No one else will but that is ok because it's not their job. Prepare time in the morning to take care of your body and your mind. Sometimes it is just a matter of 10 minutes to meditate or stretch or walk and 10 fewer minutes to scroll through social media or yell at the morning news! You decide what recharges your batteries and what is more important for your health and peace of mind.
Stop Predicting What You Cannot Control - Everything and Everyone Else
Do you ever find yourself unable to catch your breath because you are trying to predict how your day will go? What sort of mood your boss will be in today? Or how bad traffic is going to be? This kind of mental chatter creates a tense and agitated vibration inside about things you probably have no control over.
Instead of trying to negatively predict how your day will go, decide to be responsible for your own thoughts, actions and intentions. Let yourself off the hook from anticipating what could go wrong and concentrate on what could go right! If you encounter people who project any sort of negativity, release yourself from the burden of thinking that you need to fix it or are responsible for their feelings. You can try to release and let go of the need to control situations and focus on how you will respond to the outer world. You may decide to respond with yelling louder or slamming doors. That seems kind of exhausting and what are you going to get out of it? Or you can recognize what you are responsible for - how you react and what intention are you choosing to react with. If you move through your day with love and compassion, chances are that is how you will be treated. It is up to you.
Another thing to realize is that you may lose your own energy worrying about what will happen today and how people will act. Living in survival mode by thinking that you are able to predict why and how anyone or thing will go down today will do yourself more harm than good. And IF, for example, your boss is in a mood, be mindful that it is their mood, not yours. You are not in control of anyone else, how they act or choose to be. You ARE in control of how you respond to other people and events. At the end of the day, the only one you are responsible for is yourself. Choose to be kind and compassionate when someone else is having a bad day and realize that it's not always about you.
These are some of the ways that we get caught up in negative thought patterns and beliefs by listening to fear and doubt. My intention is to help you navigate to a place where you can recognize these tendencies and provide practical solutions to assist you in creating positive conversations with yourself to keep you grounded, balanced and happy. Stay tuned for more blogs on this topic in the near future.